God of the 20%

Well, it's mid-May, and the first signs of spring are finally out after an endless, wicked winter. Between mid-November and mid-April, Quebec City received more than 540cm of snow (about 18ft), and there are still some snowbanks that meteorologists say will still be here in late July. Thankfully, though, it's warming up and we've had no relapses back into winter since mid-April.
My pics of Quebec now have a little colour and that makes me very, very happy. :)

On May 1st, I wrote my last final exam and handed in my last term paper. A couple days ago, I got my final marks, and thank God, I passed everything (and even did a little better than I expected)! God certainly gets every ounce of credit for any success I may have had this last term. This semester was supposed to be a little easier than last semester, but somehow, my motivation and confidence levels have been at an all-time low these last few months. I used to delight in school, and lately, I have been dragging myself through 'all the hoops' just to get it done. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew. Maybe it's a sure sign that the end of school is near ... who knows. No matter what, I am just so thankful that the worst is over, and that all I have left to do is my thesis project (which should be done sometime between October and Christmas). Back in January, on the advice of many other friends who got to the thesis stage in their degree and joined the work force before they were done (and subsequently never finished their degrees), I decided to stay in Quebec until EVERYTHING was done (thesis and all). Before this, I had given myself the option to come home (or go stay with my sibs on the prairies) to write my thesis, but knowing me, I would spend all my time with my family and no time on my homework. Deciding to stay here in Quebec through the summer made me super homesick, but God has provided a little relief by sending Erin and her friend Abbie out here in February, and my Mom and Dad out here in June. I am so thankful for that - I know that coming here is a very expensive ticket, and I appreciate how much they love me for coming to Quebec when they could otherwise go to more tropical (English-speaking) destinations. :)

As for that class I mentioned in my last post (the one with all weekly oral presentations) ... by some miracle, God spared me every single week of the semester (probability: 20% chance of never getting selected). Crazy odds, but what are odds to the God Who determines the fate of His children? Now, to most people, this may not seem like an important event to call for God's divine intervention, but for me, it was huge. For starters, these spontaneous debates are to be done in French with other scholarly francophones (like a fifth grader debating quantum physics with a room full of PhD's), and for me, there was an extra challenge that caused me an inordinate amount of anxiety. Some of you may already know that my whole life, I have struggled with a moderate (6/10) level of stuttering. It was much worse as a kid (more like 8/10), but as I've gotten older, I've found ways either to substitute words I cannot pronounce with other ones, or just avoid talking altogether. Unfortunately, my success in improving my spoken English has had no effect on my spoken French, and since arriving in this completely French environment back in August, my stuttering difficulties have come back with a vengeance. On a good day in English, I can get out 60% of what I want to say. When I'm low on sleep or stressed out (or in my second language), I only can say about 30% of what I really would like to say. Just imagine not being able to say every third word you want to say, and needing to either:

a) come up with an equivalent pronounceable word on the spot

b) ending your sentence early and pretending you meant to

c) just not even trying to say anything for fear that the conversation will end embarassingly.

I often wonder if I would be a chattier person if not for these problems :), but being quiet has its own advantages, I'm sure. One of them is clearly spelled out in 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10:

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Another passage is found in John 9:1-3:

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

So, as I understand it, our weaknesses have the remarkable effect of reminding us to depend on God. Through this one weakness of mine (and I have many), I am daily reminded that I need God even to get out the basic communications needed to get through my day. I need His help to talk with my profs about my schoolwork. I need His help on the phone when I call for information. I even need His help to order Chicken McNuggets at Micky D's (which I don't eat anymore - why do we pay for that stuff anyway? ha). So even though I would pray away this difficulty in a second if I could, I will try instead to focus more on the God who never asks me to do more than I am capable. Another passage I have drawn confort from is in Exodus 4:10-12:

Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."

The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

Another way God has been helping me work through this frustrating scenario is by providing me with a great (yet pricy) speech therapist here in Quebec City. Stuttering is a condition for which there is no 100% cure, but there seem to be some coping techniques that can help improve a stutterer's fluency. My therapist has been a real encouragement these past few weeks, and even if my stuttering only improves marginally, it will have been worth it just to be able to talk to an expert about a problem that is highly misunderstood by a lot of people.

On a more exciting topic, on May 29th, the Governor General will be hosting a special luncheon at the Citadelle (her official residence here in Quebec City) to inaugurate a redoubt and to celebrate the city's 400th anniversary. She invited a delegation from ULaval to attend, and I was chosen among other students and staff at our school! I know, most people wouldn't be excited in the least about this, but like my good friend Allison says, "It's like a country fan having lunch with Garth Brooks," (she's a huge fan). ha. Out west, we never seem to get opportunities like this to be involved in government stuff, so I am excited to be a part of it now.

Well, I better get going. Hope you are all well, and hope to hear from you sometime soon.
Take care,

KNL